Have you ever experienced codependency? It’s a kind of a
psychological addiction that is peculiar to almost everyone, because we
live in the world where people and processes are mutually dependent to
some degree. Codependency arises when two psychologically addicted
personalities establish interpersonal relationships. But what’s the
origin of this problem? People become psychologically addicted, because
many of them have been raised in dysfunctional and autocratic families
with bad parenting habits and unfavorable psychological environment.
Children’s psyche is very sensitive to constant stress, emotional
abuse and disrespect. At the age of 2-3, children either enter a new
stage of psychological development, and become psychologically
independent or not. The birth of the ego teaches psychologically
independent children to take responsibility for their actions, express
their feelings, handle fear or anxiety, assert themselves and control
their behaviors. Those kids who fail to enter this stage of development
remain psychologically dependent on their parents or other people.
I can state with assurance that like many other psychological
disorders, codependency is treatable. The duration of the recovery
period depends on you and your desire to change your life. I hope these
techniques and pieces of advice will help you break painful emotional
ties and feel free in a while.
1. Define emotional boundaries
This is going to be the first confident step toward your emotional
freedom. Some people say that time heals everything. Sure, it heals, but
when it comes to psychological issues, then it may not help. Sometimes
it can even intensify the problem, if you don’t make any attempts to
change your mindset, attitudes and protect your mind from fears,
stereotypes or addictions.
But how can you protect yourself from codependency? All people who
suffer from codependency have one common feature. They have poor
emotional boundaries that make them extremely sensitive and mentally
vulnerable. If you’re one of them and you feel very responsible and
blame yourself for other people’s troubles and feelings, you should
establish emotional boundaries for the sake of emotional well-being.
Just draw an imaginary line between you and other people’s pain,
needs, dilemmas and sufferings. Don’t let others dump their emotions on
you, because it’s incredibly harmful to absorb negativity. Remember that
your parents and other members of the family are no exception. Let them
know that you support, respect and love them, but you’re not going to
swallow and analyze their inner conflicts.
2. Become autonomous
Instead of placing reliance on somebody, you’d better do your best to
become autonomous and independent in all aspects. It often happens that
emotional codependency is the consequence of financial dependency. In
autocratic families, parents often limit opportunities for their
children, because it’s incredibly difficult to keep successful and
financially independent children under the thumb.
Many codependent women, who once prioritized children and refused to
combine career and family, often find it difficult to make a confident
step toward independence, because they’re totally financially dependent
on their husbands.
If you’re codependent and you’ve no idea how to break it, you should
prioritize financial independence and plunge into work. Let everyone
know that you’ll never live up to their expectations, because you’re a
free and independent personality. Of course, financial independence
won’t handle the situation at once, but it really works. It will quickly
boost your self-esteem and increase your resistance to stress, social
criticism and emotional manipulations.
3. Reclaim your reality
As the creatures of habit, people usually get used to both good and
bad things happening in their lives. When kids grow up in dysfunctional
families, they think that stress, sufferings, tears, fights, disrespect
are a normal and essential part of life. A bit later they repeat the
same mistakes and imitate the behaviors of their role models. However,
emotional sufferings and abuse aren’t normal.
If you want to change your life for the better, you should try to
reclaim your reality. It’s high time to realize that there’s no more
place for negativity and stress in your life. Just look around and
analyze how highly successful and happy people live. Pay attention to
their behaviors, manners, values, traditions and interests. It will help
you create a new, correct vision of reality. Then you’ll be able to
turn over a new leaf and look at everything from a different angle.
4. Become self-oriented
Without a doubt, kindness, responsiveness and understanding are
wonderful human qualities, but codependents usually go too far. They
often put other people ahead of themselves and try to help them
regardless of everything. If you always have an obsessive desire to
support and please the people you care about, you should stop for a
while and realize that you’re making a mistake. It’s okay to give a
helping hand to other people, but if saying “no” causes you anxiety and
makes you feel guilty, it means that your self-esteem is in danger.
If the process of your ego formation had been failed in childhood,
then it’s necessary to accomplish it right now. Promise yourself that
you won’t sacrifice your needs and happiness for the sake of others
anymore. It will certainly break the vicious circle of codependency and
make you self-sufficient and confident. The main thing is not to run to
extremes, if you don’t want to turn from a diffident and codependent
person into an excessively selfish and unmindful one.
5. Accept the problem
Many people, especially codependents, haven’t even the remotest idea
how codependency can affect their lives. They tend to deny their needs,
feelings, desires and even problems. They find it easier to complain,
shift responsibilities and play the blame game, instead of realizing
that the true problem is inside their heads.
Don’t fear to accept that you’re emotionally dependent person,
because codependency isn’t a terrific and unrecoverable mental illness.
It’s just a psychological disorder. But you’ll never find solution to
this problem until you accept it, because it’s almost impossible to
deceive yourself.
6. Involve your dearest and nearest in a family therapy
Psychologists say that in most cases individual therapy doesn’t
produce the desired results, because codependency is the problem of the
whole family. Instead of beating a dead horse, it’s necessary to ask all
family members for help, if they’re amenable to change.
Family therapy has always been one of the most effective approaches
that can radically change and improve the relationship between family
members and open their eyes to the issue. Parents should once and for
all understand that mental well-being of their children is in their
hands. They should always take up the running and be ready to leave the
comfort zone for the sake of their children. People who just stick to
their guns and don’t make any attempts to come to a compromise make a
terrible mistake they’ll regret about later.
7. Believe in your victory
Overcoming codependency requires much time, patience, efforts and
serious life changes. Unfortunately, the statistics show that many
people aren’t strong enough to surmount psychological barriers in their
minds. I’ve already bid farewell to that annoying psychological disorder
and I can state that nothing is impossible. First of all, you should
overcome the fear of uncertainty, open your mind to a change and believe
in your own victory, no matter what others say. Once you finally
recover from codependency, you should stay away from abusive and
codependent relationships in future.
The statistics show that more than 98% of modern people suffer from
codependency. I wholeheartedly believe that you’ll have the strength to
become emotionally free, healthy and independent person. Do you have the
symptoms of codependency? Do you believe that it’s possible to quickly
recover from it? Share your point of view with us.
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